gorillatama | ................

Bawk bawk bawk! Oh? There's a weird sound that doesn't sound like the brown note...what is that? It sounds like some sort of...feathered creature...too ashamed to discover the brown note for themselves.

[ frowns ]

Are you calling me a feather duster?

[Also frowning]

Feather dusters don't make noise, Zura-san. [This is clearly not working, this is clearly not the point!!] You're a bit cleaner than those things. Besides, you're not cool enough to be manhandled by a hot french maid!

It's not Zura-san, it's Katsura. Thank you for finally acknowledging my pristine hygiene. Although I will have you know that I am cool enough to be a "hot" french maid...

Katsu-zan. You're welcome! Every once in awhile your ego could use it. [Deadpanning-] You're about as hot as shaved ice. The blueberry kind. Well no, you're definitely the yummy cherry kind.

It's not Katsu-zan, it's Katsura. I only shave for special occasions! I suppose you would know all about Zurako's yummy cherry, though. How lewd.

Wigzu-san. I don't really want to think about your rustic jungle growing back....razor burn is a bitch though, isn't it? What the hell are you talking about!? It's better than the blueberry, that tastes nasty. That's not lewd at all!

It's not Wigzu-san, it's Katsura. I realize it is painful for you but I have never needed to shave there... in fact, I went through a lot of peer pressure because of it. I would apprecciate if you did not step on that toe again.

You know full well what I'm talking about. [ wink wonk ] We may have not used animals as safe words, but...

I'm an expert on hair, I know the feel of freshly shaved stubble when I feel it brush against me....but I don't want to step on your toes, so I apologize for upsetting you and being insensitive.

I have not a single clue what you're talking about, not even your raging clu- YES WE DID! WE SURE AS HELL DID USE GIRAFFE AS A SAFEWORD!

That was my calf. Can't I have that much at least?!

Eh? I was under the impression that only heavy S&M needs such things. Our affair seemed a little more vanilla than that...

I guess. Just make sure to keep an eye on it and don't rub up against anything or you'll get rug burn.

WHAT THE HELL IS VANILLA ABOUT A PENGUIN SUIT AND A SET OF ****BALLS?!?! In what way is that vanilla? That's THE ROCKIEST OF ROADS?!!

Worry not, I am an expert of delicate hair removal.

Isn't everything? It did not have enough leather straps, ropes and spiky stilettos to be un-vanilla. Actually, I wouldn't mind putting that suit on you again...

WHY THE F*** ARE YOU BLUSHING IN THAT ICON!?!? YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR MY BIKINI LINES OR ANYWHERE DELICATE unless we've got the light on...

Only on your birthday and our anniversary. Can you swap out sexy boots instead of the stilettos this time? Wait a second what am I saying, I'm not enabling you, ya zoo fiend!

I WAS JUST FONDLY REMINISCING OUR PENGUIN SUIT ADVENTURE!! I am not mowing your behind for you again, unless it's your birthday or something.

Of course. But isn't that only twice a year? I have read that couples must engage in regular intimacy in order to maintain the marriage.

[ in other words, you're only getting some if you're dressed as the duck thing goodbye ]

I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO IN THE FIRST PLACE!! I WAS SLEEPING INNOCENTLY AND COMFORTABLY WHEN I FELT THAT SENSATION ON SENSITIVE PARTS! IT WASN'T A NICE WAKE UP CALL AT ALL, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THAT KIND OF ROOM SERVICE. You know I like to be awake during everything so I can see. And fine, my birthday!

Well yeah, but we don't have to do it with costumes...we can do some other stuff to maintain ourselves.

[STOP. NO!! UNACCEPTABLE]

Hm? With how much of your screentime you spend complaining about it, the least you could have done was thank me for the efforts! It's not easy to have that kind of view with the lights on, I'm telling you. Ah, fine, fine. The things I do for... [ actually he's not sure what this is. marriage is a holly heights only thing right? is this some kind of au that actually contains love and woopwoop? huh ]

Can we really?

[ the answer is no ]

......I do appreciate the effort. It means a lot to me that you'd do that as a surprise to me. I'm sorry I jumped the gun a little on how you jump my bones. Thank you. [........look this marriage is a mental state of mind that apparently can't be forgotten through time, space, or verses. maybe its best not to get headaches and analyze too much]

....Yes. Tarzan and his animal friends. Or Conan the Barbarian.

[he's putting his cards on the table

the answer is nes]

Edited 2014-07-26 05:54 (UTC)

[ ....you may be right ]

Huh. That's actually... not a bad idea. They have both defined muscles and furry companions...

And best of all---

Loincloths. You know you want to, ~~**~Kotarou-sama.~~**~~

[*Asuka voice* disgusting]

[ purses his lips ]

But I wear them every day... well, not ones made out of leaves, I suppose. Dibs on Tarzan and Mr Scrufflebutt can be Paws the Panther. You've got the barbarian look down already anyway.

[ no it's not a compliment he's calling you a primitive brute ]

Yo-you wear them every day? Every sin-...single...every day? [Have some big wide eyes looking at you, Zura] So risque, so bold! I wish to be that fired up too....

[What he interprets this as:] You think my butt is that fancy? Whoa, you never said so! I'm looking at a whole new side to you...you're gonna make me blush, kyaaaaaa~

[ is somewhat puzzled that you find it this shocking. haven't you seen his undergarments plenty of times by now? ]

Well, yes. Fundoshi is a type of loincloth. I suppose it's not as open, but...

[ gods bless selective hearing. ]

Now that wouldn't be like Conan at all. Remember, the code of barbarians is "hard and fast".

[ WHAT KIND OF A CODE IS THAT?? ]

[No he just hasn't seen the kinkier stuff....perhaps this is a sign]

What about the edible kind? Or the....the crotchless...? That's really open to many interpretations and hopefully not choking.

[Looking at Zura in an appreciative new light

oh god]

My stamina is amazing, you're right. But doing the boom boom rock is so stone age! My stones like to simmer instead of being set to 20 seconds in the microwave. both is possible!!

[The bro code?????]

That... sounds rather uncomfortable. And possibly lethal, as the combined buzzing of insects and stench of rotting food would give your position to the enemy no more than three days into the siege...

[ yeah he's not very appreciative of your kinky stuff kthx ]

I would expect no less from the king of kongs, of course. You have so little redeeming features that this being it makes perfect sense! It's a shame really that most of your affections won't give you a chance long enough to discover it.

[ considers it ]

Perhaps a compromise is in order. A bit of simmering with a rockier finale?

[ THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING "BRO" ABOUT THIS. IT'S GAYER THAN BOWIE IN TWINKLE TIGHTS WITH A FEATHER BOA AND A WHIP ]

If your enemy sees you in the crotchless undies I'm pretty sure the only thing rotting will be their crotches. Don't sell it so short!

[WHY THE FUCK NOT?!?! SOMEONE HAS TO BESIDES HIM.]

I am the king of dongs, thanks for finally saying it. It's a magnum. MY FEATURES ARE VERY REDEEMING HOW DARE YOU! MY CHISELED JAW, MY KIND HEART, MY GLUTES. It takes one to know one.

[Have a shiteating grin] I can accept that. I'm totes game, man.

[GOODFUCKINGBYE I'M DONE. THE BULGE. THEY ARE THE BULGE.]

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IM GONNA VOMIT

YOU FUCKING STARTED IT!! THIS ONE AND THE OHTER ONE ARE MAKING ME BARF!!!!!

NO YOU'RE THE ONE MAKING ME BARF!! AND GAG THAT DINKY IS FUCKING MASSIVE

YOU STARTED IT WITH THE BARF MAKING!! gag yourself WITH the dinky you say? ok

WHAT KIND OF A RESPONSE TO THIS IS "OK"???

the best kind, of course