................

[gorillatama]

(315):

i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex

Comments

[keepcalmandbomb]

My apologies, I find little joy in the prospect of cannibalistic frolicing.

[ ........what bananas is he thinking of ]

[gorillatama]

[YEAH WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BANANA IS HE THINKING OF]

I'm not saying I'm gonna sacrifice your hot bod in a pot of water and only your fundoshi as flavoring or anything....how about strawberries? Perfectly round and not lumpy ones.

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ possibly your banana. but hey he didn't take this opportunity to seriously maim you in the line of duty, that's something ]

I see.

[ no. no he doesn't ]

In that case, sacrificing strawberries may be more effective. I hear it is a sure way to summon the parfait demon.

[ not fucking again ]

[gorillatama]

[The only one swallowing that banana is gonna be Zura where the fuck does this cannibalism come from]

Right! [Triumph quickly turns into sour turds at the mention of this particular demon]

NO I'M GONNA SMASH THOSE STRAWBERRIES TO A PULP! I CHANGED MY MIND! WE'RE GOING WITH MELONS INSTEAD.

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ swallowing implies it is detached, however. also HE'S NEVER TOUCHING THAT DIRTY HOSE WITH HIS MOUTH GET OVER YOURSELF ]

[ darn, so close. ]

[ balancing in high heels on top of a bed is pretty challenging, so being yelled at like this has just enough wind to topple him over. one, two - and he's sitting in an awkward pose, thanking the gods his ankles seem to be intact. huffs ]

Sheesh, what a violent guy. Perhaps I should reconsider...

[ but he's totally blushing what the fuck is wrong with him does he like being hurt ]

[gorillatama]

[Ah, yes, what a wonderful distraction! Kondo's all smiles again as he crawls closer on hands and knees like the gorilla dog he is. He peers at Zura from beneath his lashes, trying for a coy look]

Awww c'mon, Katsura-sama...what's the vanilla stuff without a little spice thrown in? I'll treat you like the Empress of the furies and I'll throw in a few straps if you're good...what do you say?

[Just gonna. Slide his fingers along those ankles JUST IN CASE they're hurt]

[keepcalmandbomb]

Was that furies or furries? Ah, nevermind.

[ smiles back shyly like Red Riding Hood with wold creeping over her ]

A little spice is great with the appropriate safe words intact.

[ leans back a little to lift one leg sensually to the gorilla's face ]

Although had you really wanted to be a gentleman, you would have removed these before I fell.

[ wiggles foot with the high-heeled shoe ]

[gorillatama]

You get better t*t armor if you're the Empress of the furies. Better fur armor if you're the Empress of the furries though....

[Another sensual line is coming--] Cumin. [Its a spice since that's clearly what Zura wants]

Ahhh that's right, where are my manners. Allow me, my dear. I'll relieve your footies and not!bunions.

[Rubbing his cheek up against Zura's foot, he slowly slides the heel off]

[keepcalmandbomb]

I actually prefer berserker armor, though.

[ fucking ]

[ wiggles toes. good thing he doesn't have smelly feet, or this would be even grosser than it already is... feel free to feel his hairless calves, too. it was sure a pain shaving them ]

Heh. My hero.

[gorillatama]

But how do you poop with that on? It doesn't have a flap or anything.

[Fucking]

[Caresses leg with the most feather light of touches. And a loving expression]

I'll be your hero until after the credits roll and way past the after credit scene, my little parsley.

[keepcalmandbomb]

Good question. I do not think RPG makers considered this need while designing their apparel.

[ wow, this... this gorilla is pretty cute. this lovey thing feels pretty nice. could it be he ended up an M merely because he happened to have the hots for an asshole? ]

[ sniffles ]

That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.

[ pause ]

Well, that and "Just keep the go*damn cat!" in the pet store...

[gorillatama]

What?! How could they do that?! Someone has to look out for the little guys and their possible big logs!

[At least he's easily distracted from this tangent]

[Yes that's exactly it. Just let the gorilla pet you, dear wig.]

[Pat, pat]

There, there, my dear. You don't just have to keep the go*damn cat. [In a breathy whisper he goes on] Put the go*ddamn cat on top of the tv.

[keepcalmandbomb]

This could become a problem. What if in the middle of a dungeon raid, they suddenly realize that they can't go on?

[ Oh snap. Is secretly enjoying the petting, and gets a wild look in his eye when he hears the rest. Talk to me dirty, baby ]

Saying such things... [ positively moans ] **** me like one of your ****** girls, Jack!

[gorillatama]

WHAT IF SO MUCH POOP BUILDS UP WITHIN THE ARMOR THAT THEY DROWN!? [This is becoming more and more worrisome]

[Kondo's eyes darken even further, it's like this great power has welled up (.........) within him]

I'm gonna **** you with that necklace of the sea on until it's known as the **** bling of the sea after that, Rose.

[keepcalmandbomb]

Surely there are enough holes for it to flow out... even if it's not a pleasant sensation at all.

[ Zura drapes himself into the gorilla's arms basically like this. ]

It's not Rose, it's Katsura.

[gorillatama]

IT'S ONLY SUPPOSED TO COME OUT OF ONE HOLE!! THAT'S UNHOLY! [Kondo does, however, pause long enough to giggle at that before continuing] Anyway no one should adjust their other holes, that's not what evolution is about!

[Ok, he accepts this. But this doesn't end the argument or whatever this is

Also]

Rosura.

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ hits him on the head ]

I was speaking of the armor. Not only the face lid opens, there are usually extra openings at the joints so the person can move around. Drowning from within is nigh impossible.

[gorillatama]

[Sputters
ah, a love tap!!!]

Are you sure they'll be alright? They'll still live but will they want to live after getting poop in their ears and on their mustaches? I'm worried...

[keepcalmandbomb]

Fair enough. It's no longer a life. They will probably commit seppuku.

[ wiggles sensually as if the idea of seppuku is pleasing to him. how is this dirty talk -- oh no, it's dirty alright, but in a completely different sense. dirty because it's covered in sh*t. that's not the kind of dirty you want in your love life ]

[gorillatama]

No, I just can't let that happen! There has to be some kinda poo recovery program! Poocovery! Someone has to show them not to give up!

[WHY IS HE EVEN- Kondo just eyes him, wondering if this is really his life right now. He pokes Zura in the stomach]

[keepcalmandbomb]

Or perhaps someone should design easily removable chainmail leggings.

[ pouts ]

[gorillatama]

They should make 'em like those footsie pajamas! With holes in the front and back. That'd be so safe and reassuring.

[Rubs his...tummy???]

[keepcalmandbomb]

Excellent. Make sure to mail this idea to Bintendo.

[ rolls around a little with a soundless scream of delight ]

[gorillatama]

If it'll save lives and colons then I will! I might even get an NPC character dedicated to me.

[Cute.....kinda cute!!! keeps rubbing]

[keepcalmandbomb]

But the whole M*nkey Hunter game is dedicated to you...

[ tries to swat his hands away, looking somewhat ecstatic ]