................

[gorillatama]

(315):

i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex

Comments

[keepcalmandbomb]

I actually prefer berserker armor, though.

[ fucking ]

[ wiggles toes. good thing he doesn't have smelly feet, or this would be even grosser than it already is... feel free to feel his hairless calves, too. it was sure a pain shaving them ]

Heh. My hero.

[gorillatama]

But how do you poop with that on? It doesn't have a flap or anything.

[Fucking]

[Caresses leg with the most feather light of touches. And a loving expression]

I'll be your hero until after the credits roll and way past the after credit scene, my little parsley.

[keepcalmandbomb]

Good question. I do not think RPG makers considered this need while designing their apparel.

[ wow, this... this gorilla is pretty cute. this lovey thing feels pretty nice. could it be he ended up an M merely because he happened to have the hots for an asshole? ]

[ sniffles ]

That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.

[ pause ]

Well, that and "Just keep the go*damn cat!" in the pet store...

[gorillatama]

What?! How could they do that?! Someone has to look out for the little guys and their possible big logs!

[At least he's easily distracted from this tangent]

[Yes that's exactly it. Just let the gorilla pet you, dear wig.]

[Pat, pat]

There, there, my dear. You don't just have to keep the go*damn cat. [In a breathy whisper he goes on] Put the go*ddamn cat on top of the tv.

[keepcalmandbomb]

This could become a problem. What if in the middle of a dungeon raid, they suddenly realize that they can't go on?

[ Oh snap. Is secretly enjoying the petting, and gets a wild look in his eye when he hears the rest. Talk to me dirty, baby ]

Saying such things... [ positively moans ] **** me like one of your ****** girls, Jack!

[gorillatama]

WHAT IF SO MUCH POOP BUILDS UP WITHIN THE ARMOR THAT THEY DROWN!? [This is becoming more and more worrisome]

[Kondo's eyes darken even further, it's like this great power has welled up (.........) within him]

I'm gonna **** you with that necklace of the sea on until it's known as the **** bling of the sea after that, Rose.

[keepcalmandbomb]

Surely there are enough holes for it to flow out... even if it's not a pleasant sensation at all.

[ Zura drapes himself into the gorilla's arms basically like this. ]

It's not Rose, it's Katsura.

[gorillatama]

IT'S ONLY SUPPOSED TO COME OUT OF ONE HOLE!! THAT'S UNHOLY! [Kondo does, however, pause long enough to giggle at that before continuing] Anyway no one should adjust their other holes, that's not what evolution is about!

[Ok, he accepts this. But this doesn't end the argument or whatever this is

Also]

Rosura.

[keepcalmandbomb]

[ hits him on the head ]

I was speaking of the armor. Not only the face lid opens, there are usually extra openings at the joints so the person can move around. Drowning from within is nigh impossible.

[gorillatama]

[Sputters
ah, a love tap!!!]

Are you sure they'll be alright? They'll still live but will they want to live after getting poop in their ears and on their mustaches? I'm worried...

[keepcalmandbomb]

Fair enough. It's no longer a life. They will probably commit seppuku.

[ wiggles sensually as if the idea of seppuku is pleasing to him. how is this dirty talk -- oh no, it's dirty alright, but in a completely different sense. dirty because it's covered in sh*t. that's not the kind of dirty you want in your love life ]

[gorillatama]

No, I just can't let that happen! There has to be some kinda poo recovery program! Poocovery! Someone has to show them not to give up!

[WHY IS HE EVEN- Kondo just eyes him, wondering if this is really his life right now. He pokes Zura in the stomach]

[keepcalmandbomb]

Or perhaps someone should design easily removable chainmail leggings.

[ pouts ]

[gorillatama]

They should make 'em like those footsie pajamas! With holes in the front and back. That'd be so safe and reassuring.

[Rubs his...tummy???]

[keepcalmandbomb]

Excellent. Make sure to mail this idea to Bintendo.

[ rolls around a little with a soundless scream of delight ]

[gorillatama]

If it'll save lives and colons then I will! I might even get an NPC character dedicated to me.

[Cute.....kinda cute!!! keeps rubbing]

[keepcalmandbomb]

But the whole M*nkey Hunter game is dedicated to you...

[ tries to swat his hands away, looking somewhat ecstatic ]

[gorillatama]

What are you talking about, no it isn't! Gorillas and monkeys are very different, don't be so insensitive! Our asses are scientifically different.

[HUFFING!!! But he keeps a'rubbin']

[keepcalmandbomb]

It is not I who is insensitive! Take it to the developers. Area bosses are definitely gorillas.

[ rolls over and goes still with a dumb baby-like smile on his face. his leg might be twitching ]

[gorillatama]

You're insensitive for believing that crap! Damn right the bosses are gorillas, they're the only ones tough enough and with enough hair on their b***s.

[Aww-awww jeeeez...rubrubrubrubrub]

[keepcalmandbomb]

But they are therefore lumped in with regular monkeys.

[ starts making a strange sound, sort of like a miniatiure ambulance ]

[gorillatama]

NO THEY'RE....MONKEYS ARE THE INTERNS don't call them regular, like gorillas are diet monkeys or something! They aren't drinks!

[Kinda...pauses] ....Are you okay?

[keepcalmandbomb]

Of course not. They're more like extra-fat monkeys.

[ the sound goes up a pitch. sorry did you forget that he's fucking weird ]

[ it stops soon after the rubbing does, though ]

[gorillatama]

They aren't fat at all, that's all muscle and butt fur!

[PINCHES a little]

[keepcalmandbomb]

That doesn't sound like diet, either. Perhaps there is a third possibility. Protein?

[ pouts and sits up ]