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(315):
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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Booty Fire
Local Gorilla ruins everything
05 December 2013 @ 05:17 am
................
(315):
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
05 November 2013 @ 10:24 pm
(to: Waifuzura)
15 October 2013 @ 12:20 am
(to: Waifuzura)
11 October 2013 @ 01:40 am
(to: Waifuzura)
(214):
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
11 October 2013 @ 12:29 am
(303):
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
29 September 2013 @ 07:32 pm
who the fuck do you think this could possibly be sent to
(215):
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
22 August 2013 @ 01:29 am
To: (Zura-waifu)
01 August 2013 @ 05:45 am
24 July 2013 @ 05:38 am
To: Bunny
(254):
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
24 July 2013 @ 05:26 am
To: Glasses in Law
(+44):
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
09 July 2013 @ 02:32 am
To: (Gorilla Stalker)
(306):
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
09 July 2013 @ 02:09 am
(303):
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
09 July 2013 @ 01:55 am
To: (Piece of Shit Gorilla)
(309):
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
03 July 2013 @ 09:23 pm
(410):
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
(443):
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
03 July 2013 @ 12:03 am
To: (Piece of Shit Gorilla)
(202):
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
01 July 2013 @ 10:52 pm
To: (Gintoki)
(262):
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
30 June 2013 @ 02:57 am
30 June 2013 @ 02:47 am
To: (Toshi-kun), (Sougo-kun)
(518):
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
27 June 2013 @ 05:33 am
To: (Chief Gorilla)
(402):
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
27 June 2013 @ 05:31 am
To: (Kintoki)
(785):
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating